Satisfaction

"One of the most important discoveries I have ever made is this truth: God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in him. This is the motor that drives my ministry as a pastor. It affects everything I do.” - John Piper


Are you truly and fully satisfied in Christ? Is your everyday walk left as a reminder that you are truly satisfied in Him? It doen't mean that everyday you will be happy with your realationship or with life. It does mean you know that His presence is there and that God is with you. Can others tell? We are chosen to be in ministry. Hand picked by Our Father to fulfill his calling. It is not to glorify us,but God. Let our everyday actions be a reminder not to just us, but to others to show how full satisfaction in Christ can affect your life here. I love you guys.

Update

I went to the doctor this last Thursday and found out that the disk that has been giving me issues since the surgery, is going to have to be fused. It means they will go in and remove the disk, then replace it with bone. I admit that is was pretty depressing finding this out. In fact I cried part of the way home, and then most of that night on through the next day. I finally figured out that I had been saying God was in control of this for almost five months, but was not reassuring myself that he was. It was like a mask. Not to let anyone know that I was this upset, I had this mask on. I called a dear friend of mine (Brian) that Thursday night and broke down. I mean like a baby. We talked and prayed and cried, and by the end of our conversation I felt a little relief. I got my Bible and asked God just to speak to me and show me what was going on. Well, I opened up and immediately it was on the exact peace of Scripture I needed.

Jesus Heals Blind Bartimaeus

46 And they came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. 47And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" 48And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" 49And Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." And they called the blind man, saying to him, "Take heart. Get up; he is calling you." 50And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. 51And Jesus said to him, "What do you want me to do for you?" And the blind man said to him, "Rabbi, let me recover my sight." 52And Jesus said to him, "Go your way; your faith has made you well." And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way. - Mark 10:46-52(ESV)


God was showing me that I was looking at this trial all wrong. You see this whole time I have said I was praising Him. But I wasn't. I was focused on when was this going to be over and done with. You see when we are suffering, we don't think about praising God. We don't always stay focused on Him. I had been selfish and was on a poor me pity trip. Admit it we all get on them sometimes. Anyway, God showed me that I should not be focused on "how much longer is this going to be, or why me". He was showing me instead that I needed to be calling out to him continuously, just as that beggar had. That my focus needed to be on the here and now. That my heart had to be open to what He needed to show me in this present time. If I focused on when it was going to be over with, I would miss the whole point now. In verse 48, it says when they tried to rebuke him and silence him he called out even more. That's what needed to be happening in my life. When those doubts and the "how much longer" gets in the way I have to call out more more than ever. Third day sings a song called "Call out to Jesus", and it makes perfect since now. Sometimes we need that trial to show us how much we need God. We are not in control, and when we realize that it makes it easier for him to work and reveal His plans for us. That was the perfect picture for me. I know now were my focus will stay. Sure there will be rough days, but God has shown me to focus on Him here and now. Thank you Father. He knew about all of this before the day I was born so I have to know His sovereignty through this.

Thank you all for your prayers and please continue to pray. I will try and update a little more often. God Bless you all, Ben

Grace

A quick update for today. I have had some increase in pain the past few days, resulting in what seems to be a whole lot of nothing. For some reason or another my back pain is increasing to the point of the past two days to were it has been before the surgery. At first I though everything was fine, but the level has not changed. I have contacted my doctor and am waiting for a call back from him. Hopefully we will know something else. Anyway, I wanted to share a little about what has been on my mind this week. At church on Sunday, our Pastor finished up 1Peter and did a little overview of it. He spoke about the suffering that goes on in this world. He told us how it goes on in one way or another all over. The one thing that he stressed is that through our suffering we receive Grace. That through our worst times when we feel we feel we are hitting rock bottom we receive the most grace. It has been on my mind all week. The past several months have went through my mind this week. I know that God is showing me that He is in total control of this and that everything will be okay. He has truly blessed us and has kept us a float (it has been all Him). Remember that sometimes it feels like we have to hit rock bottom before we can see how full grace is in our lives. In the end we are truly blessed. My mom has often reminded me of Job and how much he lost, but how much faith he had, and how in the end he was blessed double. I know my God has a plan and it will be revealed. Please remember all that you have read and that what ever your struggle is, if you truly and I mean truly turn it over to God that he will show you what his will is for it and will be able to reveal his Amazing Grace. Our eyes and ears are the most open when we are in need. So watch and listen.

Update and Other Great News

As you all may have already noticed, I updated the blog site. I have been kind of inconsistent the past few months on blogging. With the surgery and all and all the Dallas trips to the doctor, I have let it slip a little. Well that's all gonna change. My back is slowly progressing, and now I am just really tender and sore. Melissa accidentally put her knee in my back when we finished praying together tonight and that irritated it.(At least I hope it was an accident ha ha). I am moving around a little better, just not that fast. The doctor said I should notice a difference within the next week. Right now I can't tell if the pain that I do get is from the L5S1 disk that they could not get or the fact I have 5 incisions that are 7 inches deep. I did play a little guitar last night and that lifted my spirits some. You can easily get down and out when a situation like a back injury that takes this long to heal occurs. I love to play for the Lord (although I am not that great). The exciting news that has really been encouraging is that I received my acceptance letter from The College at Southwestern. I have been accepted to start in the spring although Melissa and I had planned on me starting in the fall of next year. There is the possibility of an online class maybe in the spring. I really have not given that much thought because I tried the online thing about 3 years ago, and it did not go that well. I passed but barley. Through all of this (the ups and downs), God has continued to remind me of what the Psalmist says in Ch. 94:22 - "But the LORD has become my stronghold , and my God the rock of my refuge". Those are strong words to me, because no matter what has been thrown my way this year ( two staff infections and back surgery), GOD has still been my Rock. He has brought me through these trials and shown me that He is my security, nothing else. So many times we think finances and material things or jobs are what keeps us a float. Let me tell you what I have learned the past 7 months. God is what keeps us a float. It takes humility to admit that. God had to take away all those things I thought was most important this year to show me who and what should be most important to me. Sometimes we hit rock bottom even when we think we are doing right. The good news is Our Lord and Savior is there through it all with us. Remember its not about what you have or how good life is here and now. Its about who you are serving and how you life will be in eternity. That is one of the biggest things I have learned this year. I love you all and hope you continue to visit here. I truly hope this has hit home to some in some way. To God be all the Glory. Amen

Home in Abilene

Praise the Lord, I am home. I got home Thursday night and it has been a tough time. I had my surgery on Monday and it went well. They were only able to get to my L3L4 Disk. I was told my bone growth is different and that I was only the fourth person out of five thousand that the doctor has ever had this problem with. I know that in time God will heal want he wants healed. I want to thank you all for the kind prayers and other help you have provided. To my Uncle Doug and Aunt Star I want to say thank you so much for your hospitality. You both have been so kind for allowing part of my healing process to be in your home. To Mom and Melissa, your support and being there with me makes me so grateful the Lord has blessed me with a wife and mother like you. Brenda and Mandy thank you so much for the meals provided, they were wonderful. For everyone else who was there in prayer for me I say thank you so much. Most of all for my Creator I love you and thank you for your mercy you have on me. I love you all and will be posting more this week. God Bless, Ben